Are Paradoxes Conflict for You?

certificate(1)Most of the women that I know are intelligent, independent, conscious women. We believe in equality of all people and we highly value our sovereignty, that is, our own personal authority over ourselves.⠀

At the same time, I know many of us are deeply longing for love and a relationship. For many of us in relationship, we are not quite finding the fulfillment and juiciness we yearn to have with a partner.⠀

While we fiercely guard our independence and sovereignty, we may also deep down just want someone who will take care of us. Someone, I daresay, who will cherish and even worship us. These needs and values can appear to run counter to one another and create unresolved conflict for a lot of women.⠀

How can I value myself as an independent and sovereign woman and still have this incredible yearning to be taken care of and cherished? ⠀

It isn’t the paradox that needs to be resolved. It won’t be resolved because it’s not supposed to be. It can’t be.⠀

What we can do is find that place of tension in the paradox and dance in it. Breathe with it. Allow it. And discover what becomes available in that space.⠀

How do we do this, dance within the paradoxes?

My life has led me to seek out, explore, and work with Feminine energies. This is where I have found I can return to, to dance in the tension of the paradox. There, I can allow all aspects of my experience and my feelings to exist at the same time. They no longer battle one another. I can honour and begin to love it all. I can find a space of freedom and possibility.⠀

The Feminine is a space that allows for it all.⠀

You can be a successful, independent, intelligent, and powerful woman.⠀
AND your heart can yearn for deep love and fulfillment.⠀
Also, you deserve to be worshipped by the one you love. You should have someone who lights that beautiful heart on fire -if these are things you want, it is holy and perfect that you want them.⠀

If you are stirred by any of what you just read, I invite you to consider joining me in exploring more.

And if it isn’t the yearning to be cherished and worshiped by a partner, I would guess there may be something else of a conflicting, paradoxical nature showing up. Our lives are full of them. To be continued…


Formed in Womb…it is still Home

Art: Bridget Nielsen

Art: Bridget Nielsen

One woman spoke at a workshop I was participating in last week about the importance of breath and breathing. Getting into the sweet spot, the zone of bliss.

She described for her this happened when her breath was able to reach deep into her abdomen but actually…below that…into her…lower belly.

She paused as she spoke as though searching for the words and the right location in her body.
My mind, naturally, went to ‘womb.’ You get there by breathing deeply into your womb. That’s what I saw her attempting to describe.

To me it was an illustration of how we collectively lack the language, understanding or appreciation of womb and womb wisdom.

Often when I tell someone I perform ‘womb healing’ what they hear is ‘wound healing.’ Well, there may be some truth to that too but no, it is ‘womb’.

Womb… it’s kind of quaint isn’t it? Poetic to my ears. We could say ‘uterus’ but it doesn’t hold the same energetic quality and does, after all, share an etymology with hysteria. Uterus is a word one might hear in a hospital (never womb) as a hysterectomy is recommended (one of the most common, elective surgeries for women in the USA, Australia and Canada and likely more).

Given that, it isn’t much of a surprise that many women aren’t keen to take ownership much less a level of pride in their womb. It is useful to us if we want to have some babies; a nuisance, or worse, if it pains us during menstruation. Potentially deadly if it holds a threatening dis-ease or dis-function. Let’s just get rid of the fucking thing.

It’s also embarrassing and shameful to many of us, in ways small and large. Having a womb, speaking of it. To many women, having worked hard to ‘make it’ in this world, it is a diminishment of them to speak of something so very feminine, and intimate, in its nature. There’s so much about it we don’t know…

What if before, in spite and through all of the above, we got to connect, understand, commune with ‘Womb.’ (Because I’ll let you in on a little secret too; removing the physical organ doesn’t diminish its energetic presence and power.) We know it’s powerful right? It grows a human being!

And given that we all grew and formed in a ‘womb,’ in a very literal sense, womb is home for us.

What might it be able to do for you, right now, in your life? I mean, aren’t you even curious to know?

Art: Bridget Nielsen


On Pussy, On Naming

Art is vagina liz darling from Project HOPE Art

Art is vagina liz darling from Project HOPE Art

I read an article today that censored the word PUSSY.

It was written by Regena Thomashauer who just weeks ago published a book titled ‘PUSSY: A Reclamation.’ What timing!

If only we could use the word and…
feel it come out of our mouths.
** PUSSY **

It’s been censored a lot these days as mainstream news has no choice but to cover whathisface’s depravity.

Regena says that PUSSY is arguably the most powerful pejorative word in the english language. I would suggest that it is actually ** CUNT **

but you will notice what the two have in common.

Our society refuses, chokes on, is offended by our intimate female parts. We won’t even name them!! And this is a problem. Regena writes of this eloquently and I will quote her here yes, (from PUSSY):

“We can learn just as much about a culture from what it’s missing as from what it embraces.

One of the greatest pieces of unconscious conditioning we have in our Western culture is that we do not teach our children the name of the source of our feminine power. Ask my students at the School of Womanly Arts what they were taught to call their genitals as a child, and you’ll get a parade of colloquialisms: Wickie, Cuckoo, Privates, Down There, Pooter, Pee Wee, the Fine China, Name and Address, Venus, Noonie, Miss Kitty, Purse….the list goes on. Those who were taught a more direct word were often taught to call it “vagina,” a clinical term that is also physiologically incorrect.

But what’s worse, the majority of women were taught to call it nothing at all.

When we have no common language to describe that which is most essentially feminine about us, we have no way to locate and own our power as women. As my dad used to read to us on Friday nights, “In the beginning was the Word.” When there is no word, there is no beginning. How would you talk about an interconnected global computer network providing information and communication facilities via standard technological protocols if you did not have the word *internet*? Yet our culture gives us no way to talk about the place where our power – and, in fact, all of life – comes from.

It’s this very feminine power that is missing from all the success stories we hear. It’s what leaves Sheryl Sandberg, one of the most productive women in America, revealing in a New Yorker profile that she’s felt like a fraud all of her life. It’s what has fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg admit on CBS This Morning that she wakes up every day feeling like a loser. It’s what has Gayle King, who was interviewing von Furstenberg, reply that she wakes up every morning feeling fat.

It’s what has Shonda Rhimes observe in her book, ‘Year of Yes,’ that she and every other woman she knows push away compliments and are unable to receive appreciation and
approval.

It’s what has so many female grad students settling for assistant teaching, while their male counterparts head their own classrooms.

It’s what has men initiate salary negotiations four times more often than women do. It’s why when women *do* negotiate, they ask for 30 percent less than men.”

~ ~

It’s provocative but it makes sense. We can’t (which really just means we won’t) name PUSSY or CUNT

AND

we’re indoctrinated to feel so very wrong and inferior about Her and

her smells
her hair
her blood
her lips
her juices
her existence.

So, as far as I’m concerned: Fuck that.

I’m over it. This matters.
And I *dare* you to get over it too.

Share This.
Name Her.
Read PUSSY
Read CUNT (a great book as well)
Read VAGINA (another great book as well)

Own Your CUNT.
Love Her.
Honour Her.

For fun, I offer this terrific clip from Samantha Bee (with a content warning as she discusses assault and pussy grabbing):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gk72KC4jWc

And more, MUCH MORE
coming….

Art is vagina liz darling from Project HOPE Art


A Consent Story 

Art by Irina Vitalievna Karkabi

Art by Irina Vitalievna Karkabi

Once upon a time, I was fooling around with a friend. We were playing, exploring the expansion and the limits of pleasure. We were in a place of getting to know one another, enjoying one another, having fun.

He liked to play rough and so did I… sometimes. At certain times maybe. Not at others. Nothing serious or heavy.

So we were playing. Slowly. Easing into a bit more pressure, a bit more pain. I was curious. Present. What does this feel like? And this? The different expanding sensations that arose. The anticipation of the next move. Was it going to feel better than the last?

It was fine and good and consensual. Until it wasn’t. Just like that. Until one movement that was too much, that felt violating, hurtful. Not good.

In that instance, I understood consent in a new way that up until that moment, I hadn’t experienced or considered before.

In that moment, I understood consent as a dynamic exchange that actually has to be occurring at every moment which…

may sound strange

may sound impossible

may even sound stupid

I don’t know.

What I saw was the need to being and staying present. Being present with myself in the moment. Being there with the other person. Keeping tuned into the pulse, the breath, the expression, the energy as it shifted and flowed.

To be and STAY in the yes, hopefully opening up into more yes and yes and yes and yes and yes…

Do you see what I mean?

Because this was the thing for me…

My friend is a lovely man. Very respectful and attentive. I wouldn’t have been with him if I had felt otherwise.

But here we found ourselves. In this instance, I see how both of us were lacking a presence in the somersaulting, and everflowing and expanding yes. It stopped somewhere, our minds caught up in one yes. Stalled in our own thoughts, in our own heads or …wherever.

And I hold us both responsible. He lost his attention and presence to me. Perhaps he missed cues that were there as to where I was at and that I was close to my threshold.  And, I didn’t step up to speak for myself and keep myself safe when I sensed my threshold was being met. Communication was out.

And this is also the thing….

Physically, I felt pain in the moment and it wasn’t serious. Nothing persisted. Great. I don’t even remember what we were doing exactly. What I do remember is the feeling of violation. I can recall that very easily.  And that’s enough for me to know that it is unacceptable for such a thing to ever occur again.

I was not taught anything about these nuanced possibilities. I knew consent to mean ‘yes.’ And a ‘no’ meant a ‘no.’ And I heard it said sometimes that a ‘no’ means ‘yes’ and that was clearly wrong (and infuriating to hear). But sometimes a ‘no’ could turn into a ‘yes.’ I experienced taht. And if you agree with me there, then logically we have to respect and understand a ‘yes’ can become a ‘no’ or a ‘maybe’ or a ‘I don’t know.’ And this can happen at anytime.

Few of us are really taught this. Much we learn through experience and ‘the hard way.’ I’d like us to do better. The conversation is opening up more and more and my hope and request is that we stay open and listening to each other. And not shutting it down because we may feel threatened or judged. How well do we respect ourselves and each other?

Because at the end of the day, sex can be an ecstatic gateway into another realm; it can be a transformational, spiritual experience. But never without true consent.

~~ At any rate, this is how it all occurred to me on this day ~~

Art by Irina Vitalievna Karkabi

P.S. Some of the work I have done within the Art of Feminine Presence and Womb Healing/Blessing has been some of the most powerful. If you struggle with boundary issues or holding your ground, please contact me for a complimentary 15 minute session, I would love to connect with you.