Art by Pam Hawkes
I’ve experienced a recent breakthrough in how to make good decisions.
I could (and would) spend a LOT of time agonizing over what choice to make. I’m talking about the big and sometimes not-so-big choices: Should I take this course? Should I move? Should I find another job? Should I end this relationship? Should I call this person? Should I invest in this?
And on and on. Daily we make thousands of choices; some have stated that it is upwards of 35,000 per day. This may seem absurd but when you think about it, we’re making a choice every second of our life. Every breath is kind of a choice…
Fortunately, most are easy or unconscious even so it needn’t all be stressful.
But, what about those big ones? The ones that have ramifications for us for a long time?
I tended to fall back on a rational approach to decision making by weighing the pros and cons of the options. And all too often, this was not that helpful. I would be in the midst, the pros and cons of each path fairly equally weighted and just feel stuck. And stay there, with all the benefits and risks rolling around in my head, unable to feel good or confident about choosing one over the other.
Can you relate at all?
A recurring pattern for me would be to wait until the last possible moment, or deadline if one existed, and have my hand forced. Choose because I had to now, time’s up. And then bemoan and hold so much doubt over whether it was the right way to go.
Urgh. It’s just not fun (and I want lots of fun and ease in my life).
So, what’s changed?
Well, I’ve reassigned who’s in charge from the mind to the body. See, the body and its cells and its energy has a particular wisdom and knowing. Over many, many years, humans have disconnected from this but it’s still available to us. (as a sidenote, I would point anyone to read the most amazing book ‘Power vs. Force’ by Dr. David Hawkens)
With the big decisions in my life, I have taken to putting them into my body, that is into my lower belly and into my womb space.
I do this by taking the thought, the decision point, all the feelings and energies around it and bring it or imagine it going down into my belly.
Usually, and especially if it’s something that’s been causing me some stress which I haven’t allowed myself to fully feel, it will at first kind of want to bounce out of there. Kind of like holding a buoy under water.
Gently, I will notice this and affirm it’s ok. I’m putting this in here, in my womb to hold. I notice and acknowledge what this feels like in bodily sensations or emotions that may arise. If I go back into my head about it (which is thoughts, anxiety and worry) I gently ease it back into my body and back into my womb space. Staying with my feelings and bodily sensations allows it to stay there in womb.
I don’t expect an answer. This can and often will take some time. I offer gentleness and space. I go about whatever business needs tending to. When I come around to the decision point again, I feel it in my belly and notice how I’m feeling about it now. I notice if anything has opened up or shifted.
It can be quite quick or it can take a bit of time but usually something shifts. There is a kind of fertilizing or marinating or alchemizing that happens – choose your metaphor! The surface calculations and concerns are stripped away and we get closer to the essence of: what is the right thing for me at this time?
And, what wants to happen?
Clarity arises or next action steps to take show up. The vital thing to do is act on the guidance given, and, of course, offer gratitude.
This isn’t easy. Some decisions I’ve had to sit with and nurture for some time and the sensation of holding it in my belly left me quivering and melting. On some occasions, I’ve had to do things that were somewhat intimidating and scary (and absolutely the right thing to do).
Essentially, that’s all I can tell you. Each experience of this is going to be unique. There is no formula but there is a lot of magic, if you allow for it. And if you surrender to trust the body wisdom.
If this sounds strange to you, it is. I get it. And it will take a leap of faith to give it a go (and likely a lot of persistence and patience). Go for it, why not?
And if it makes sense to you, wonderful! Explore all the ways there are to connect to your intuition and guidance – it is always there for you.
And if you’re intrigued but not quite sure what I’m talking about, please be in touch with me. This my life’s work and my passion. I want to help you find your clarity and your joy.
Art: Pam Hawkes