Nana’s Kitchen

gerald-a.-frank-crone-in-the-kitchen

Crone in the Kitchen by Gerald Frank

My grandmother stands
at the large wood stove
in her kitchen built of stone
at a time before the luxury of pipes and running water.
(do you remember to stop for her and see such as luxury?)

Actually, her kitchen sits unchanged
maybe for centuries
still not knowing such luxury.
Maybe just more broken open,
overgrowing, overrun.

9 years old
on the first visit here to her farm
Old enough to be aware
of where I am
Old enough to save a memory

the rural hillsides, a village called
Boljkovci

Her kitchen is always dark,
this little freestanding hut
built away from the main house (of 2 rooms)

It is ancient. It is cold. I have to get dressed and wear shoes to walk here, to sit here. Its smell all smoky, damp and barn-like all at once.

It is so strange to me, this kitchen.
Not what I have known a kitchen to be.
Their entire home not what I have understood a home to be….
like
something yanked out of a different era
that evolution had overlooked and bypassed just about entirely.

like
a place we could be visiting on a school trip to see how people used to live…
staged, stove & furniture roped off.

only it’s not.

I don’t entirely understand this…
I am uncomfortable.
I feel sad.
I feel anxious.
(I would like to leave now but know I can’t)

I am quiet.

Grandmother prepares some eggs for me.
I don’t know if I can eat it
but then
the plate is set down before me and
something in their presentation reminds me of my mother
As does her endearment spoken to me, my mom’s ‘peeleh’
eat, my little chick

Ah….my grandma called my mom peeleh
my mom calls me peeleh
how far back does it go, I wonder…
peeleh…
who started this endearment
and when?

Her eyes are kind
I feel I can trust her
though
so much of what I’m seeing kind of
scares me…
the harsh black widow’s garb…
this hunched back…the
profile of her head reminding me of the illustrations
in fairy tales of witches….

this is where i come from

her eyes are kind, yes,
and don’t mask the suffering beneath

is this mine too?

the deeply etched lines on her face
her inflamed and scabbed legs
the gnarling hands

I eat what I can of the eggs and the cheese
but they too
taste strange to me
and tough to swallow
as though
I’m ingesting this place with each bite

I go outside into the summer day
just beyond the yard
the green rolling hills beckon me
Warm and bright outside.

I run down a hill

out of breath
I collapse on the grass
looking up at the blue skies
and rolling puffy clouds

despite all,
elated in this place

there is so much beauty

Art by Gerald Frank


Lineage of Wombs

Womb Wisdom ,Art of Feminine Presence

‘Spiral’ by Neela Haleem

In my first meditation, after my mother passed, I could feel her energy in my body. It was very palpable, this moving…this swirling…the DNA, the lineage alive in every cell.

I thought of how my body had been created in hers. And it made sense to me that I would feel her now in this way. And it brought me such reassurance and peace to have within me, to know (by way of knowing in my body) that she was never going to actually be lost to me.
~~~~~~
Consider these words from Tammy Lynn Kent in her book ‘Wild Feminine’:

“With five small bowls that fit neatly together, one inside the other, I am teaching women about the power of the uterus. The largest bowl fits in the palm of my hand, and the smallest is the size of a pencil eraser. These bowls represent the way that the uterus holds energy and passes information from one generation to another. The women watch my hands as I align the bowls, one by one, according to their size.

I point to the smallest bowl, saying, ‘This is you.’ Slipping this tiny bowl into the next one I say, ‘You were held in your mother’s womb.’ Placing the two bowls together into the next bowl I say, ‘Your mother’s eggs were fully formed while she was held in her mother’s body. In this way, you were also held in your grandmother’s womb.’ I continue to join the bowls together, until the five are sitting in my palm, one inside the other. ‘Because your grandmother carries the energy of her mother’s and grandmother’s wombs, so you are linked to them as well.’ The bowls rest neatly in my hand. The women sit squarely in front of me. I see each of them wrapped in layers of female energy from the women ancestors who came before them.”
~~~~~~
In my culture and many others, the lineage is considered to pass down through the males. The males carry on the family name and were frequently the ones who inherited property or title. This passage from ‘Wild Feminine’ and my own experience of my mother illustrate to me what’s more accurate. The lineage is clearly carried forth through the Womb.

The Womb is a portal.

Have you ever considered your relationship and your connection to your ancestors in this way? Consider also your position and legacy towards all who will come after you.

~~~What messages and wisdom await you in your Womb?~~~

Start by setting aside some private, uninterrupted time for yourself. Light a candle and get settled into a comfortable position. Set an intention and allow any attachments to any particular result or answer to dissipate. Commit to keeping an open and curious mind.

Breathe deeply into your body, grounding and anchoring yourself. Breathe into your pelvis. Allow your breath to become deeper and deeper. Allow yourself time to explore this space with your awareness. Bring your thoughts back when they wander.

Connect to the centre point of your pelvis. Breathe into it and notice what sensations, visions, sounds, ideas, words may come to mind. Keep your mind open to perceive what shows itself but don’t veer into analysis, evaluation or judgment. You may even have a question to ask your Womb. Be patient and be open as you await an answer.

When you feel ready to return, record your impressions in a journal either through words or pictures. Express gratitude for what you were given even if it was ‘nothing’. The feeling of nothing can actually be a great deal of peace. (Be grateful ~ this can’t be overstated)

Make a point to return to this space and this consciousness.* This is a relationship and it needs time and lots of love to cultivate. Return reverently and return often. It may be only after some time and commitment that we make valuable connections and find the magical insights.*

Love & blessings to you on your journey ~ Lana

*It is so powerful to co-create sacred space to explore Womb Wisdom with sisters. If you are feeling called to join in circle, please check out the Art of Feminine Presence. I am in Toronto and offer a weekly meet in the downtown area. For teachers around the globe, click here.